Second Offence: You Get A Riding Lawnmower

Greetings and salutations most noble peasants and members of the Proletariat, 

So, your Beloved and Revered Leader was travelling on Interstate 5 South this morning in his one man motorcade:  de rigueur black SUV, of course, with tinted windows.  During the course of today’s journey, his searching for wisdom and enlightenment for all of his subjects was interrupted.  Naturally this cannot be allowed to happen, and while this is cause for great dictatorial concern, it is not so great of a concern as what was the root cause of the problem.  For those who know how to know, and want to know why more, the answer = 3 x why?   

Why was your Beloved and Revered Leader (I really feel that a gong must sound every time that is said (in hushed and reverent tones, of course)) shaken from his reverie?  It was because the motorcade of your Dictator for Life had the misfortune to get stuck behind a $100,000 Mercedes doing 40mph on the Interstate.

 Why was the Mercedes doing 40mph on the freeway?  That is a good question and it causes some dictatorial pondering and posturing and proselytizing.  Like all non-elected heads of state, this particular despot has a love of all things mechanically speedy – including the Mercedes Benz.  Therefore it was worrisome and vexatious to find such a fine piece of engineering being treated in such a cruel fashion. 

Why should such a situation exist?  And therein lies the rub.  If this person feels the need to subject such a fine piece of workmanship / art to such humiliation, then should not I, in my role as a most benevolent, father like figurehead of state, seek to redress the balance?

What is a benevolent despot to do?  What indeed?  What indeed? the solution, as I see it, is simple!  In the interest of all, and is that not what a beloved and revered leader is good for, is for the Mercedes to be gifted to the state and replaced with a 1989 Geo Metro.  I am sure that a suitable vehicle can be found; complete with dents, one broken headlight and a knackered out gerbil powering it up to 25mph on the freeway (downhill with a tailwind). 

It is the policy of this regime that no vehicle shall suffer abuse … especially the vehicle of the Beloved and Revered Leader when stuck behind an extemely expensive b ut slow moving piece of art.  If you wish to drive your vehicle like it is a Geo Metro, then the state should see to it that you get one to drive.  And now I shall return to my thinking great thoughts …. 

Despotic benevolence and love to all … 

Your Revered and Beloved Leader, etc. etc.

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